Failures hard but success is far more dangerous. If you are successful at the wrong thing, the mix of money and praise can lock you in forever. -Annonymous
Friday, June 13, 2003
Well, everyone now a days seems to be tellin their whole life story. A big reality check for everyone really. Some times when I hear a story that was really shitty it makes me look back on my life and think of how lucky I am. My life growing up was shitty tho. Don't let me fool ya. I went through some stuff that I wouldnt put superman through. I grew up in a family that was more or less a bunch of nuts. Both my mom and dad were steady drinkers since as far back as I can remember. We moved around a lot because of my fathers work. He was a carpenter. And we went were the work was. That really sucked because it meant that I didn't get to keep my friends very long. Whenever I finally started to feel comfortable somewhere, we packed up and moved off again. The only place that I really felt was home was Cape Breton. I still feel the same way. My life, as I knew it, changed forever when I was 7. I know that sounds crazy, but my life was never the same since then.
My mom gave birth to my brother 3 months early. By some miracle, He lived! My mom so really brave through that whole pregnancy tho. She almost lost him since the start. We spent a lot of time in hospitals in Halifax. He was really small. He stayed in the IWK for about a month and a half and then he came home. He was a gorgeous lil boy. Everything was great! We were you typical family, white picket fence and all! And then everything came crashing down. I woke up on Nov 14 1990 to my mother screaming at the top of her lung and craying uncontrolably. There was a feeling in the pit of my stomach that i couldnt explain. I still can't explain it. But whenever I have this feeling, I know something bad as happened.
I walked out to the kicthen and seen my father pacing back and forth with my baby brother in his arms. He was blue in color. He had died in his sleep. I watched my mother as she shook wildly and cried to no end. I was comletely and utterly speechless. I never ever thought that something like that could happen to us. Everyone thinks that way, but it does. And it's scary.
I remember driving to the hospital with my aunt. She was speeding really really fast, and talking non sense. I was sooo scared.
When we got to the hospital the doctor told my parents that he died of S.I.D.S (sudden infant death syndrom). Something that was really common with pre-mature babies.
I felt really bad for my mom. I couldnt imagine what it would feel like to loose a child. To loose something that you carried inside you for 6 months. She wouldnt eat anything. That scared me and my sister to death. She would only eat these marshmellow square things that the woman down the road sent up. My father really took it badly. It was like someone stabbed him in the heart. It took everything good in him. My dad was not the same since. My sister and I didn't attend school for a month. I didn't really know why, but i think my mom didnt want us to go. She was really attached to us.
Things eventually got better. We moved into a new home. My mom got pregnant again. She had a baby boy again. Righ on time too. He was healthy and gorgeous. I got really attached to him really fast. His crib was in my room at 1st. I dunno why but my parents put him in my room. I always ended up putting him to sleep. I was really scared that he would not wake up. Once he got older I got used to him.
I feel bad for him now tho. Since he was born we moved to ontario for a year. We then moved to PEI. And my dad moved away to Calgary to work and decided to get a new woman and abandon his family. My brother doesnt really know him anymore. I know it kills my dad inside tho. He calls every now and then when hes drunk and tries to justify himself. But I could care less if I ever speak to him again. My dad is no longer the dad that I want him to be or what he used to be.
And this brings me to the present. Thats not my whole life story, but its the big part of my life that changed everything. Its my dose of reality for the blog readers. I think the experience has made me stronger and made me appreciate things just a little bit more. Im not completly happy with my life but i'm very very close.
My mom gave birth to my brother 3 months early. By some miracle, He lived! My mom so really brave through that whole pregnancy tho. She almost lost him since the start. We spent a lot of time in hospitals in Halifax. He was really small. He stayed in the IWK for about a month and a half and then he came home. He was a gorgeous lil boy. Everything was great! We were you typical family, white picket fence and all! And then everything came crashing down. I woke up on Nov 14 1990 to my mother screaming at the top of her lung and craying uncontrolably. There was a feeling in the pit of my stomach that i couldnt explain. I still can't explain it. But whenever I have this feeling, I know something bad as happened.
I walked out to the kicthen and seen my father pacing back and forth with my baby brother in his arms. He was blue in color. He had died in his sleep. I watched my mother as she shook wildly and cried to no end. I was comletely and utterly speechless. I never ever thought that something like that could happen to us. Everyone thinks that way, but it does. And it's scary.
I remember driving to the hospital with my aunt. She was speeding really really fast, and talking non sense. I was sooo scared.
When we got to the hospital the doctor told my parents that he died of S.I.D.S (sudden infant death syndrom). Something that was really common with pre-mature babies.
I felt really bad for my mom. I couldnt imagine what it would feel like to loose a child. To loose something that you carried inside you for 6 months. She wouldnt eat anything. That scared me and my sister to death. She would only eat these marshmellow square things that the woman down the road sent up. My father really took it badly. It was like someone stabbed him in the heart. It took everything good in him. My dad was not the same since. My sister and I didn't attend school for a month. I didn't really know why, but i think my mom didnt want us to go. She was really attached to us.
Things eventually got better. We moved into a new home. My mom got pregnant again. She had a baby boy again. Righ on time too. He was healthy and gorgeous. I got really attached to him really fast. His crib was in my room at 1st. I dunno why but my parents put him in my room. I always ended up putting him to sleep. I was really scared that he would not wake up. Once he got older I got used to him.
I feel bad for him now tho. Since he was born we moved to ontario for a year. We then moved to PEI. And my dad moved away to Calgary to work and decided to get a new woman and abandon his family. My brother doesnt really know him anymore. I know it kills my dad inside tho. He calls every now and then when hes drunk and tries to justify himself. But I could care less if I ever speak to him again. My dad is no longer the dad that I want him to be or what he used to be.
And this brings me to the present. Thats not my whole life story, but its the big part of my life that changed everything. Its my dose of reality for the blog readers. I think the experience has made me stronger and made me appreciate things just a little bit more. Im not completly happy with my life but i'm very very close.
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